I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
