So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
