She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
