I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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