Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
