I hate all girls vehemently.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
