just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize