so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
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giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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