I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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