just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
