when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
