hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he shaved USA in his pubs
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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