We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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