margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
