remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize