i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She's the barista slut.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
