I accidentally burped into my bong.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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