and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
