look no pants
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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