is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I will die if light touches me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
