you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
