I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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