Where did you get a picture of my penis
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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