You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Michael Bay diarrhea
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
