3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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