If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
