Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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