Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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