WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
