She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
