I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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