Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
