Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
