The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
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This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
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He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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