the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
