I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
