his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
