My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
