Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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