Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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