Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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