she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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