some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
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and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
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I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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