Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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