I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.