yea but for you.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job