i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
This beer is not sobering me up at all
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance