its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
