You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
