She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
