I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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