haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.