It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once