If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.