What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.