If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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