He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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