is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
