also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
