at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
