If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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