You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
