when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
