I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize