my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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