Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
