sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
