what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
