omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
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I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
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I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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