I like to think it a success when the cops are called
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
