i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
