he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
